Yesterday, my sister said some very hurtful things to me.    I suppose that's one of the reasons for beginning this blog.  More importantly, though, I believe that I'm probably not the only person that this has happened to.  It dawns on me that we can all use some coping mechanisms for this problem.  So, here's how I handled it...
     First off I posted something like "Why are family members so hurtful over the holidays" on my Facebook page.  I received a couple of very positive responses before I decided to delete it.  I figured that my other sister would get angry at me for airing our "dirty laundry" in public, so-to-speak.  One positive response sort of went like this..."because they forgot to be thankful for what they have."  Hmmmm....an interesting way to tell me that I, too, am not being thankful because at first I thought she was talking about my sister who had said hurtful things. Then, I realized that this applies to me, too.
     What a concept...you mean this is partly MY fault. Noooooo....I wasn't ready for that.  This was HER fault.  I didn't do anything wrong to get screamed.  Well, let's see, maybe I did.  Anyway, the second post was even better. 

"Yep not many Norman Rockwell holidays. You have to get to the point of enjoying the day does not depend on others actions. Have a Wonderful Thanksgiving. Just do your thing. don't let others dictate your day."

      Another "aha" moment!  You mean to tell me things can't always be perfect.  Come on, please!  But I want so bad for them to be.  I'm one of those people that can't stand it when people are mad at me.  It really messes with my zen!  But guess what, and this is a REALLY big one....people sometimes just need to be angry and vent.  It's just the way it is.  After I got over feeling hurt, I realized that I was being un-Christian like in thinking things like..."I will never speak to her again!"  "She's so hurtful!"  "Why is she yelling at me?  I didn't do anything to deserve this." So here's what I discovered.  I didn't think that I had started this, she was having a bad day, and she was angry at me because of a perceived wrong that I had done.  
      You see we all look at the world differently.  If we didn't, we'd all be driving the same vehicle, eating the same food, and voting the same.  It's our uniqueness that makes this world so completely fabulous to live in.  I look at the way she was seeing this situation, and I decided right off that I did not agree.  Instead of calmly and rationally responding, I interrupted her and told her to stop her b*****ing in no uncertain terms because I didn't want to listen to it.  That one statement started the whole fight.  She wasn't going to be told what to do because she mistakenly believes that being my "elder" matters when we are all well into our mid-life adult lives, and we disagree about our 84-year-old hosting and cooking our holiday meal for all of us, kids and grandkids.  I believe that if she wants to do it, she should do it, and the rest of us should stay out of it, go up and help her prepare and enjoy.  I believe elderly should feel their worth any way that they can.  She believes she is not well enough to do it.  
     As you can see, this is one area where we are both right.  So, what to do when two rights come together.  I believe that what we should have done is calmly state our opinion, agree to disagree and drop it.  Instead emotions ran high, which added to bad feelings.  Now, I understand that it was a bad situation, but I still love my sister although I don't agree with her.
     If you have anything to add, please post.  I REALLY want to hear your feedback.  Thank you so much for listening, and God bless.

Big Island of Hawaii...our trip...peaceful!